Do I have your attention? When did it become ok for women to put everyone else’s needs first? Admit it, we all do it. As a result, we are frustrated, grumpy, tired and not getting anything done on our list.
It happens because we as women wear many hats – wife, mom, daughter, business owner, employee, taxi driver (you know the mom taxi) and the list goes on. It seems everyone needs us.
In order to avoid conflict and not hurt anyone’s feelings we neglect our own needs and put ourselves on the back burner. This is not emotionally or mentally healthy. Many of us have become a people pleasers.
There are five things you can start doing NOW to make your needs a priority without feeling guilty.
#1 START SAYING NO
Did you know every time someone asks you to do something, you’re not obligated to say yes? I know a novel concept, right? You have a right to say no if it’s not something you really want to do. And you don’t owe anyone an explanation, NO is a complete sentence.
We struggle with this because we don’t want to disappoint anyone and we want to keep peace. The truth is when we say yes every time someone asks us to do something we are saying no to what we want to accomplish. We get stuck when we say yes to everyone but ourselves. Ask yourself, would the people you’re are constantly helping out do the same for you?
I’ll admit this is challenging, however it gets better with time. If people genuinely care about you they will respect your response.
#2 SET BOUNDARIES
We have a tendency to spread ourselves too thin and we end up blaming others instead of taking responsibility for our actions.
“A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.” If you don’t set boundaries, you can’t be mad when people cross the line.
Start setting boundaries by being honest with yourself and acknowledging how you feel. Pay attention to what’s causing you to feel like boundaries have been crossed. Acknowledge those emotions, even if it is hard. If you feel like someone has crossed the line, express how you feel to the person who you feel crossed the line. Be a grown-up and have an open, honest conversation.
#3 CREATE ME TIME
Yes, I can see the eyes rolling and with it comes the excuses. Self-care is not optional, it is important for your personal growth. When you think of self-care, you think of getting your hair done, retail therapy and mani/pedis, right? Self-care is more about taking care of your mental, emotional and physical health.
Practicing self-care isn’t selfish, you deserve to block time for you the same way you block time for everyone else.
#4 DUMP THE HEAD TRASH
Did you know we have 50,000 thoughts per day? Of those thoughts, how many negative thoughts race through on any given day? When you feed your brain negativity then you can’t produce anything positive.
You are good enough. You are capable of great things. You’re not too old. You’re not too young. You don’t have to be defined by your past. You’re not a failure. You become what you believe and it’s up to you to begin to shift your thinking.
When you have a negative thought switch it to something positive. Start affirming the woman you want to become.
#5 MAKE A HAPPY LIST
Do you know what makes you happy? What brings you joy each day? I don’t know about you but I struggle answering this. I challenge you to create a list of 50 things that make you happy and be intentional every day to do something off your list. It doesn’t have to be anything big just whatever brings you joy.
Here’s what makes me happy (not in any particular order): Starbucks, the beach, family, doing puzzles, road trips… you get the picture, right?
So I want you to
Say yes to your dreams.
Say yes to your goals.
Say yes to putting you first.
Say yes to doing things that make you happy.
Say yes to change.
Say yes to loving yourself.
Say yes to living the life you were created to live.
Say yes to being free.
If you want to practice some self-care, come visit me tomorrow at the Asbury Park Convention Hall at the WOMEN ROCK event….
It’s a free event full of information, shopping and just hanging out with some of your friends. Hope to see you there. Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!