Today’s blog started as just a “throwback” post. One of those days when I wasn’t sure what to write so I start reflecting on things I have written. Then God lets me see part of the plan.
On this day in 2014, I had a conversation with Hope Shortt who is not only my Thirty One sponsor but also a woman of great faith who inspires me daily. During a coaching call, she asked me: “Do you ever remember a time in your life that you were truly scared of something?” This question always stops me dead in my tracks. Because just when I think I have a handle on “fear” and think it is gone from my life – those ugly gremlins poke through a little crack of doubt. For those who have heard the story a million times, forgive me but this is not only to squash my inner gremlins but to help someone else who may be struggling along the way.
Today’s blog comes from deep in my heart. I hope by sharing this again (though some may cringe at its honesty) I can bid farewell to a FEAR which is plaguing me as I stepped out in faith to work my Thirty One business full-time.
We are going to go back in time…say 1990 when I thought I was in control of my life. It was Belinda’s 2nd birthday or pretty close to it. I was at work when a Police Detective walked through the door and asked my boss to speak to me. FEAR! The moment when I just knew my world was going to fall apart. FEAR! The moment when I realized my “recreational” drug use might be a problem. FEAR! The moment when EVERYONE was going to know I was a fake! This may seem a bit dramatic for some but the truth is, this was when I let FEAR invade my life. From this moment on, FEAR became a major part of my life. Satan has had a field day with me ever since.
The truth was, I was a drug addict. My addiction had caused me to do things I knew were wrong, were “not the way I was raised”, and were “not the way I wanted to raise my daughter”. I thought I was having fun. Recreational use for over 8 years had gradually turned into more as I moved from weekend use to all the time (or as often as I could afford). My life was a mess and the only one who seemed to know it was God! I was arrested, faced possible jail time, put in a Pre-Trial Intervention Program for community service and sent to rehab. God had a plan for my life. I had definitely drifted off course – further than I ever had before.
As I remember the dreadful day, my heart races, knots form in my stomach and tears well up in my eyes. Through it all, I am grateful. It was the turning point in my life which helped me to slowly move closer to God’s will for me. Did I have a lot of FAITH? No! Did I think God loved me enough to want to save me? No! But as I look back, I know the rocky road of recovery and growth are all part of who I am today.
So you are wondering why I bothered to share about FEAR, right? Been there, done that, got the tee shirt, right? The truth is – deep in the crevice of my soul, FEAR still has a hold on my heart. This week has been a week where I needed to fully rely on God. Have faith in what I could not see and trust he has a plan for me. Yup, I am again bidding farewell to FEAR! Hope talked about this in her blog:
I encourage you to be brave. Realize that when fear creeps in, push it out. My God is bigger than anything else and My God has proven that time and time again. Be strong. Be courageous and remember that He already knows what tomorrow holds-therefore fear is not how He equips you.
Will it be easy? NO! But let’s do it together….Let’s bid a farewell to fear this year, once and for all. Whether it’s about your job, your car, an accident, your finances, your relationships, your business, your addiction…whatever it is, don’t let fear in. Don’t let it win….. Allowing fear to take over is actually very easy and it can cost us when it becomes to being the person God wants us and needs us to be for others. I believe it’s one of the greatest attacks on us as believers. I refuse to be taken advantage of by the enemy. He’s stolen too much from me before.
Today, I will EMBRACE the joy in my heart and my God-sized Dream. I will close the door on FEAR which hovers outside my heart ready to steal my joy.
What is YOUR greatest FEAR? Is that FEAR keeping you from reaching YOUR dreams? I challenge you to bid farewell to the fear.. will you take the challenge
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!