What a minute and life will change… is how I feel lately. I no sooner get comfortable where things are and SMACK, things happen. Trouble processing thoughts. Unable to concentrate when more than one person is talking. Finding motivation to do what I used to love in my business.
There are those days when I wonder where life with Multiple Sclerosis may lead for me. Many would say, I have lived the last year or more in basic denial. I refused to believe my life was changing when deep down, I knew it was. Don’t get me wrong, I said the words “I have MS”; I occasionally used my handicap parking sticker when walking was difficult (or hubby pushes me) and when the memories wouldn’t come, I would simply admit MS was the cause. My life with MS looks different than those who live in chronic pain. Mine is an internal pain of being robbed of memories.
So what was the real result of living in denial? I refused to believe my life was changing or would keep changing and I needed to make adjustments. I booked events like there was nothing wrong. I pushed in my business till my brain shut down from trying to process too much information. I have days when I can’t put thoughts together. I have days when I am an emotional mess because life is too much to handle.
If you have a chronic disease, I know how hard it is to accept your body/mind is fighting against you. I know how much I would rather have pain (yup, I have a high tolerance of it) then to lose my memories. I know how those with dementia and Alzheimer’s feel. I know the frustration of not remembering people or important events (like the birth of my daughter or my wedding). I know the reality of having to believe someone else’s memory of something because you can’t even remember it happened.
I know how much you want to simply fight back. I really do. But denying MS (or any disease) is a part of your life will only hurt you later on. Refusing to accept what is happening to us is setting ourself up for defeat.
The best way to look at things is from a perspective of…”Yes, I may have MS (or any chronic disease) BUT as long as I am able to function, I will live each day to its fullest. Tomorrow may change and if should happen, I’m prepared for it. Not really, BUT don’t they say “fake it till you make it”!. Maybe not emotionally, but we are making preparations for the possibility of a life with limitations due to MS.
Many would say, preparing for tomorrow is living with a negative attitude. The truth is for me – It’s living in the reality. It’s not negative to prepare for tomorrow. It’s not negative to talk about my MS struggles or your pain or any other chronic disease. It’s not negative to think of ways to adapt your home or your life before those changes are needed. We are even finding ways to link pictures with music in the hopes it will trigger my memories.
Enjoy today, live in the now, savor the sweet memories you are creating with those you love, but don’t ignore the possibilities of tomorrow…good or bad. Change happens whether we like it or not.
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!