Are You Staring at A Closed Door

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, we do not see the ones which open for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

I remember being at National Conference and hearing Cindy Monroe, our CEO and founder, talk about running through the doors of opportunity.  I have to admit, it was a little scary for me (and sometimes still is).  For me, it meant stepping out of my comfort zone, having faith things would work out and most of all being willing to make a change.

Over the last few years, I have seen many doors in my life close.  They may have been open for a minute but I hesitated or FEAR stopped me.  Those doors have closed and despite my best efforts, nothing is going to open them again.  Yes, I have lingered way too long staring at the closed door, wishing for what could have been all the while missing new opportunities.  

Has a door recently closed in your life? Have you lost a job? Maybe a relationship or marriage ended?  Maybe you were hoping for a chance at a new opportunity and it fell through?  The door you wanted to remain open is now closed.  Are you still staring at the closed door?  Chances are, if are are, like me, you’re going to miss the new opportunities waiting for you.

I totally get those closed doors are sometimes are own fault – we let fear take over, we didn’t want to step out of our comfort zone, the list goes on right?  But there are those times when change is brought on by things beyond your control.  It is those times I find are the hardest to get back on track.

So, here are some tips I found which might help:

1. Mourn the loss.

Grief is part of the process when an unwelcome change intrudes on your life.  It can be devastating.  Give yourself permission to grieve the loss – whatever it is.  Then, acknowledge the lessons you’ve learned. Yes, there are always lessons to be learned.  Once you’re done, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward (start all over again).  Are you humming a Disney song?  Feeling sorry for yourself will do nothing but send you on a downward spiral to self-sabotage.

2. Make a decision to face forward.

Are you hoping the door will reopen if you hang around?  Guess what? At some point, you have to stop lingering at the closed door.  Chances are it is NOT going to re-open. So,  walk away and take steps on the path unfolding before you. Face forward rather than backwards. Would you drive your car backwards if you missed a turn? Believe it or not, change can offer new hope and opportunity.  A decision takes courage.  For many, it a step out of their comfort zone or having faith in things unseen.  Courage is a choice.  Will you make the choice?

3. Be open to change.

Be careful of the comparison game.  Don’t compare new opportunities to old opportunities. Recognize new opportunities sometimes have very different benefits from old ones. They sometimes address different needs and wants, bring you joy in ways you were missing before. Sometimes they stretch you in ways you haven’t been stretched. Embrace the challenge with gratitude and perseverance.

4. Walk through the open doors.

New life, new work, and new opportunities will open up on your path. Walk through them!  Know you are not alone when you walk through those open doors.  There are others on the same journey if you are willing to embrace the opportunity.

I know you have heard it before but it bears repeating….. Sometimes doors close because we are not supposed to walk through them.  Other times, they close because they were meant only for a season. Just like people enter our lives for a season.  We need to learn the lessons, live with courage, and enjoy our journey.  I know it isn’t always easy.

Face forward. Stop staring at the closed door and take a step towards the future that is waiting to unfold.

What is the “closed door” in your life? Are you ready to leave the closed door alone and trust a new and better one will open?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Gaining Confidence Is An Ongoing Process

I have been having one of those weeks…. yup, fear and doubt has crept in.  My confidence has been shaken and I am wondering what my purpose is in life.  What happened?  I’m not sure except I have had some weird health days.  Days of feeling unsure.  Most days I can shake it then there are some when I need a confidence booster.  Surrounding myself with supportive  friends and family is part of it BUT sometimes I need to work on me.

Here are some things I do to help shake those nasty inner gremlins:

1.  Share Your Gifts & Passion with Others

Everyone has gifts and talents even when our confidence is lacking.  When I have days like this, I start writing.  Because I know sharing my struggles with others is one of my gifts.  You have accomplished great things – don’t downplay what you have achieved.  I know I am guilty of this all of the time.  The truth is, we are all good at something and there is always someone who wants to learn.

2. Forgive Yourself for Your Mistakes

When I have days like this, I tend to focus on all of the mistakes I made in life. Remember negative thoughts brings more negative thoughts.  When we hold ourselves or others to high standards expecting perfection, we are usually left feeling less than, a failure, and unworthy. Give yourself a break!  Self-forgiveness is an important step towards building your self esteem and confidence.  Everyone make mistakes, you are no exception and you deserve to be forgiven.

3. Pay it Forward or Pay Yourself

Are you looking to right your wrongs or make a change due to mistakes from your past which may be holding you back?  We can’t wave a magic wand and make them go away BUT we can change the outcome.  Didn’t make school a priority in your life?  Go back and take some classes.  Maybe you weren’t there for friends and family – make amends.  As a recovering addict, my mission is to help those who are struggling because others helped m.  What mistake can you forgive yourself for so you can move on?

4. Be Solution Focused

I always say negative thoughts brings more negative – positive brings more positive, it is the way of the Universe.  So, when you are always complaining about not having enough (of anything), nothing gets accomplished. Look for solutions when things aren’t going as planned. This will take some practice before it becomes natural.  In the end, you will be able to approach a problem from a mindset of how to solve it instead of WHY ME victim mindset.

5. Smile

I know it is hard to smile when you are feeling less than BUT a little smile goes a long way. You would be surprised how it can actually change your mindset. It makes me feel good to smile, and it can also brighten someone else’s day.  In some cases this is where I advocate, fake it till you make it.   I don’t mean being fake to others, it is about learning to pick your head up and feel good along the way. The more you do it, before long, you will forget you were “faking it” and actually feed better, maybe even GOOD or GREAT!

6. Fear is Your Friend

FEAR is huge when we are not feeling confident (at least for me).  I am trying hard to use fear to my advantage! Think about it – fear shows up when you are about to step out of your comfort zone, stretch yourself and build your confidence. This is your secret weapon to growing.  When you recognize it is about to get scary, you are about to expand yourself which is HUGE confidence builder.

Despite popular belief (and my constant writing about it) I do struggle with confidence.  I am always amazed how I am more confident around people I don’t know then I am around friends or business colleagues.  Those nasty inner gremlins love to play the comparison game.

Share your struggles and your successes with us.  Let’s BUILD each other up so we are all successful in our business (and our lives).

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Unclutter on Friday

Have you started to countdown to the end of the day?  Are you overwhelmed? Are you exhausted?  Do you easily get distracted?  Whether you own your own business or work for someone else, we have all had these feelings.

Some days I have even thought “it would be easier to go back to work”.  Who am I kidding?  These feelings are usually a result of playing the “comparison game” then trying to follow what someone else is doing.  The result, I am headed in a 100 different directions making no progress at all.  So, I usually

No, it isn’t easy but you have to decide if you want to focus or give up.  Yep! Are you going to focus on one direction, one massive goal or give up and give in to all all the competing images and blogs and social media streams?

Listen. I get it. I fight the comparison game too!

I love the opportunity to get my cup filled from the AMAZING Carrie Wilkerson on a regular basis as a leader with Thirty One.

Staying focused is not easy.  It takes practice.  Here are some tips to help:

1. I am on ONE thing at a time.

Yes, ONE! I have a daily checklist of the things I must get done every day.  I work each thing one at a time.  I close the tabs my computer so I’m not scrolling through Facebook or watching for alerts to come through, or watching for incoming emails. One thing at a time. I used this same theory years ago with paper.  It worked then and it works now!

2. Invest (pay ) in ONE course or seminar or conference per year.

I know there is ALOT of FREE classes and offers out there.  I have signed up for many of them and then don’t attend.  I’m trying to focus on ONE skill for the year. No, it isn’t easy.  I have been the “I want the magic wand” type of girl and it just hasn’t worked.  So it is time for a change.  If you are going to pay for a training, find the person who you connect with.  Honestly, I have paid for lots of classes and got nothing out of some of them.  I have followed lots of coaches but have found only two whose tips have really helped me in my business.  Guess what?  I’m sticking with them.  Will I still take some free classes?  YES!  But, I won’t be spending money to “try them out”.

3. I am intentional on social media. 

This is a work in progress for me.  Learn your audience.  I actually did a poll in my VIP Facebook group to ask them what things would be helpful and fun for them.  I used to watch my friends and do what they did but I stopped because I usually end up feeling inadequate which is not helpful in growing my business.  I use Cinchshare to ensure consistency in my posts BUT I also jump in and share things at random.  I always make sure I stop in to see who has liked or commented on posts.

4. I have my work scheduled.

The truth is what we schedule… happens. Think about your hair appointment, dentist appointments or even lunch with your parents or kids.  Does it mean “You Must Have xx Hours Set’?  No, it means you need to schedule what works best for you.  I have found the consistency pays off.  Did you ever take up an instrument?  I played the piano for years.  It took lots of time practicing a little bit daily (30 minutes or so) moved me along faster than cramming 5 hours of practice in once a week. Be consistent and schedule.  Will my week look the same as yours? NOPE! I am up early and in my office usually by 6:30AM.  Hubby is off on Monday and Tuesdays so these are my weekends with limited hours in the office.  You need to set aside time for the things which are important to you.  I plan out my week each Sunday night.  I have a morning routine and an evening routine (hubby works swing shift).  It allows me to be consistent and work towards my goals.

I know this isn’t rocket science or brain surgery and I am sure you have heard these tips a million times.  I’m sure I have even written about them before.  Remember “you can’t get different results if you keep doing the same things”.  So are you ready to try something new?

Hope this was helpful and here’s to a ThirtyOne-derful weekend!

Everything is a Choice 

It has been a whirlwind weekend and is it crazy to say, I am grateful it is Monday.  LOL!  Thursday, I spent the day with my mom exploring farmer’s markets in the area.  Then Friday, we had date night.  Hubby and I went to see RENT.  It was amazing.  Saturday a vendor event.  Then yesterday was a full day of Thirty One style partying after church – first a home party followed by a Facebook LIVE party.  

Through this busy weekend, I learned the lesson of there is not one-size-fits-all answers and solutions to things.  We each have obstacles, struggles, and frustrations we face in our business and life but we each have a different way of handling them.  I could have been bummed out this weekend I wasn’t attending my upline’s retreat in Pigeon Forge, TN. I decided to make the most of it and keep myself busy in my own pink bubble.

I found myself talking with members of my team and other women who needed some support and encouragement.  I was grateful to be able to celebrate and encourage them so we could explore ways to make things happen as they pursue their goals.

It’s Monday and some don’t feel motivated or inspired. Some feel overwhelmed or stuck. Some are crippled by fear.  For some, things aren’t going the way they hoped or planned.  It could be as simple as not having enough time or support from their family and friends.

No matter what your challenge……

Feeling motivated is a choice. Feeling inspired is a choice. Feeling focused is a choice. Showing up and getting your work done is a choice. Pushing through fear is a choice. Not relying on the approval or validation of others is a choice. Choosing a mindset of abundance over scarcity is a choice.

I know, this is easier said than done. We all carry lots of baggage, mindset, and fears. Our experiences have shaped us and as a result determines how we navigate through our work and our life.  Life is a journey and there is always work to be done.  We need to rewrite the stories we are telling ourselves.  We need to discover the hidden inner gremlins so we can become emotionally aware for when they attack.   We need to change our mindset –  positive attracts positive – remember “The Secret“.

When we shift from feeling like things are happening to us and accept we’re choosing to experience these things (since most of it is out of our control), we can start to move forward along the way.

It is your choice to create a space and energy to feel inspired and motivated.  It your choice to be productive when we don’t really want to do anything.  It is your choice to dig deep, work through the fear and squash those inner gremlins.  It is your choice to be in the moment and embrace what is happening instead of complaining there is not enough time. It is your choice to be your own cheerleaders, instead of resenting the people who aren’t.

You can make the choice to get unstuck.

What negative things are you saying about your business or your life, which you can make the choice to change?  What are you going to do to get unstuck and move forward?

I believe in you.  Let’s move forward this week ready to conquer the world – or at least ours.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

 

Grow Your Confidence – Part 2

Last week, I talked about growing your self confidence and I received a lot of feedback.  I won’t say i am surprised because despite all of the overwhelmingly positive posts on Facebook and Instagram, there are people who struggle. They struggle with standing tall and proud letting their sparkle shine through.

So here are a few more things which might help you boost your confidence…

1. Take some time for personal care.   I will admit, I am the worst at this.  When I am feeling yuk, all I want to do is lay around in my sweats.  The truth is, we should really nudge ourselves to do something for us.  Now, I don’t mean spend a fortune. How about pulling out your favorite shaving cream and shaving those legs? The warmer weather is coming.  How about deep conditioning your hair? Or even soaking in a bubble bath?  Pamper yourself with something you enjoy doing for you. Give yourself permission to enjoy life. Giving yourself permission to relax and even PLAY, will pay you back ten fold.  You will gradually change your mindset so the fun times come more naturally.

2. Visualize and Reframe.  This is going to sound a little crazy since I always talk about how important positive thinking is BUT believe me it works.  Take a few minutes to reflect on the problems you are facing in your life. Feel the feelings associated with the problem.  Do you naturally assume the worst – let’s REFRAME the problem and the solution!  Nothing is hopeless but when you believe it is, all you will feel is unhappiness and that you are a failure.

So, I want you to pick one problem and look at it in a new light by recreating a positive outcome.  I know it can be tough but you can do it.  Imagine a positive solution and really feel the feeling of the new positive ending to your story. Now, make the new ending happen!

3. Make a List of Your Positive Attributes.  Yes you do have them.  We all do even if we don’t always see them.  For many years, I heard “you are your own worst enemy” and I know I am not alone.  It is time to make a list of your positive gifts (physical and mental). We need to find an inner love for ourselves, instead of looking to others for approval.  I struggled with this exercise for years and then with the help of a friend, I reached out to several close friends and asked for their help.  I asked them to describe me in just 3 words.  I was blown away by the response. Once I wrote them all together, I put them into positive mantras I could repeat until I really started to believe them…

4. Fake it till you make it.   I know this sounds easy and hard to believe it actually works, but trust me it is easy and it does work. Remember those negative thoughts like:”This day sucks”, “I feel ugly” or “I am not good enough” guess what? Those thoughts radiate and everyone knows how you are feeling.  You need to keep your thoughts in check, so when the negative self talk creeps back up- proclaim the opposite. This will help you to build your self worth cause the negative inner gremlins can get pretty sneaky.

5. Get enough sleep.   I know as busy women, who has time for a good’s night sleep, right?  What is the definition of a good night’s sleep?  Is it 5 hours or maybe less?  Maybe it means a night when the kids aren’t climbing in your bed.  When you are tired and your body is run down, it’s difficult to feel good about yourself. Your body is dragging, and the negative inner gremlins are ready to rear their ugly heads. As much as you may hate to hear it, your body needs a solid 6-8 hours of sleep – peaceful uninterrupted sleep. I used to live on about 5 hours then age creeped in and health struggles.  I am grateful my hubby got me into a routine of at least 7 hours of sleep.  There are days when I get less but I can tell because my sparkle dulls just a little.  I know it is not always easy but find a happy medium for you so you have the energy to fight off those nasty gremlins.

I would love to hear from you and know what you do to boost your confidence on those tough days.  

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!