Gaining Confidence Is An Ongoing Process

I have been having one of those weeks…. yup, fear and doubt has crept in.  My confidence has been shaken and I am wondering what my purpose is in life.  What happened?  I’m not sure except I have had some weird health days.  Days of feeling unsure.  Most days I can shake it then there are some when I need a confidence booster.  Surrounding myself with supportive  friends and family is part of it BUT sometimes I need to work on me.

Here are some things I do to help shake those nasty inner gremlins:

1.  Share Your Gifts & Passion with Others

Everyone has gifts and talents even when our confidence is lacking.  When I have days like this, I start writing.  Because I know sharing my struggles with others is one of my gifts.  You have accomplished great things – don’t downplay what you have achieved.  I know I am guilty of this all of the time.  The truth is, we are all good at something and there is always someone who wants to learn.

2. Forgive Yourself for Your Mistakes

When I have days like this, I tend to focus on all of the mistakes I made in life. Remember negative thoughts brings more negative thoughts.  When we hold ourselves or others to high standards expecting perfection, we are usually left feeling less than, a failure, and unworthy. Give yourself a break!  Self-forgiveness is an important step towards building your self esteem and confidence.  Everyone make mistakes, you are no exception and you deserve to be forgiven.

3. Pay it Forward or Pay Yourself

Are you looking to right your wrongs or make a change due to mistakes from your past which may be holding you back?  We can’t wave a magic wand and make them go away BUT we can change the outcome.  Didn’t make school a priority in your life?  Go back and take some classes.  Maybe you weren’t there for friends and family – make amends.  As a recovering addict, my mission is to help those who are struggling because others helped m.  What mistake can you forgive yourself for so you can move on?

4. Be Solution Focused

I always say negative thoughts brings more negative – positive brings more positive, it is the way of the Universe.  So, when you are always complaining about not having enough (of anything), nothing gets accomplished. Look for solutions when things aren’t going as planned. This will take some practice before it becomes natural.  In the end, you will be able to approach a problem from a mindset of how to solve it instead of WHY ME victim mindset.

5. Smile

I know it is hard to smile when you are feeling less than BUT a little smile goes a long way. You would be surprised how it can actually change your mindset. It makes me feel good to smile, and it can also brighten someone else’s day.  In some cases this is where I advocate, fake it till you make it.   I don’t mean being fake to others, it is about learning to pick your head up and feel good along the way. The more you do it, before long, you will forget you were “faking it” and actually feed better, maybe even GOOD or GREAT!

6. Fear is Your Friend

FEAR is huge when we are not feeling confident (at least for me).  I am trying hard to use fear to my advantage! Think about it – fear shows up when you are about to step out of your comfort zone, stretch yourself and build your confidence. This is your secret weapon to growing.  When you recognize it is about to get scary, you are about to expand yourself which is HUGE confidence builder.

Despite popular belief (and my constant writing about it) I do struggle with confidence.  I am always amazed how I am more confident around people I don’t know then I am around friends or business colleagues.  Those nasty inner gremlins love to play the comparison game.

Share your struggles and your successes with us.  Let’s BUILD each other up so we are all successful in our business (and our lives).

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Boost Your Confidence

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Do you know what day it is????  It is WOOHOO WEDNESDAY… a day to celebrate YOU because you are AWESOME!

Alright, it may be a little over the top.  Maybe today is not a day your feel awesome.  Health struggles.  Family issues.  Financial issues.  I know the list goes on and it is th0se negative feelings which eat away at our confidence.  I have been there (and on some days still am).  We are going to change your thinking today.  We are going to boost your confidence.  The results are going to be an amazing kick butt day.

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Do you know confidence is what turns your thoughts into action? It is impossible to be successful without it.  When you are confident, you believe you can, you believe you are worthy, and you believe you will ultimately succeed.  When those inner gremlins get in and create insecurities, your confidence waivers.   There are just a few shifts you can make to immediately boost your confidence:

#1 Open your arms. Sit up straight.

A simple step but it works!  Before we dive into shifting your thinking which will boost your confidence, let’s start with this: Change your body position.  The position of your body sends a signal to your brain about your state of mind. When you slump your shoulders or cross your arms, you are  protecting your heart and shrinking with a goal of being invisible. So right NOW, roll your shoulders back and lift your chin – this is a signal of your courage to be seen and be bold.

#2 Get a small win.

Self-efficacy – your belief you can accomplish your goal – can be built.  When your confidence waivers, set a small goal you know you can achieve and do it.  A small win boosts your confidence to go for bigger wins.  Instead of focusing on the weight you need to lose, focus on taking a walk or moving for 30 minutes.  Credit card debt overwhelming?  Set a small goal of paying off $250 in the next 2 months.

#3 Own your flaws.

We all have them because we are human.  We all make mistakes.  We have all been embarrassed about a choice or two we have made.  But here’s what matters: You’re still here and you’ve made a decision to keep moving towards your dreams despite your imperfections.  Think of it like this: “Yeah, I messed up and I’ve learned from it.” “No, I don’t have a lot of money in the bank, but I’m done beating myself up, and I’ve saving now. A little bit at a time.”  It’s not easy, but it’s honest. It’s freedom. Own your flaws. Don’t hide them. Get comfortable with your own imperfections. When you do, there’s no reason to hide. And people can’t use them against you. It’s a bold move freeing you to show up fully – just as you are.

#4 Drop the belief you need to know all the answers.

This was probably the hardest thing for me to learn.  Did you know one of the biggest thieves of confidence is the fear we’ll be found out – simply we won’t know the answer, won’t know how to “do” whatever it is we need to do.  The fear leaves you constantly anxious about messing up. What if you simply dropped the belief confidence is about knowing everything? What if instead confidence was about your ability to find the answer if you don’t already know it? With this new belief, the pressure to know everything instantly diminishes. Go into meetings and conversations with the attitude, “you won’t fake it till you make it”.  Be authentic. “I don’t know, but let me find out.”

What area of your life do you feel insecure?  When are you most likely to lose your confidence? Share your struggles and your tips with us.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Happy Birthday Baby!

Belinda copyAt 7:57AM exactly 28 years ago my baby girl was born – Belinda Joan Heldreth Steinel.  I am sure she is cringing at me calling her my “baby” but she will always be my baby no matter how old she gets.

When I found out I was pregnant, there were a whirlwind of emotions. Belinda’s dad opted to leave us since he “wasn’t ready to be a dad”.  Was I ready to be a mom? Probably not.  This fun-loving, workaholic, partying women thought “I can do and have it all”.  Whatever “all is” right?  Reality quickly sunk in as I was banished to bed for most of my pregnancy.  I will admit I was a party girl – drugs, alcohol, late nights and not eating healthy all contributed to high blood pressure and being toxic during my pregnancy.

Life was a little, okay ALOT, crazy but I knew we would be okay.  I had family and friends who were there for me.  I searched high and low for a book on what a busy career woman could do when she became a single mom – YIKES!  There was no book, no script and most of my friends had never had a baby so tips were few and far between.

The morning Belinda arrived, I was due for a stress test because despite the doctor’s prediction, she was NOT early nor was she a preemie!  When I called the doctor to tell him I as in labor, he was like “I will see you for the stress test”. NO WAY!  Within an hour, the pain was unbearable so off Elsie and I went to the hospital.  We arrived at the hospital and admissions said “we need paperwork”. REALLY?  I was here and did it already.  I just want the pain to stop – NOW!  I was having contractions but the doctor said it was too early for pain meds.  By the time the doctor came back in it was too LATE for pain meds.  Yup, 100% natural labor along with a vow I would NEVER had another child.

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It was always “you and me kid”.  You were the reason I got clean during my addiction.  I picked and chose my battles while you were growing up.  Some things just weren’t worth it.  I was blessed.  You were basically a good kid.  A gymnast (thank you Edythe & Grams).  A field hockey player.  An All Star Cheerleader.  A hard working girl at the age of 16.  You always said “I never want to disappoint you” and I can say you never have.

Yes, I had tremendous support from my mom and the rest of the family.   But at the end of the day, it was “you and me kid” snuggled in our mobile home getting through life with the cats and Tinkerbell, the dog.

Do you remember the first time the realization hit you your “baby” was a grown up? Was it when they went to HS? How about when they got their first job? Or was it when they got their driver’s license?  Most will say, it was when they went off to college.  For me, the realization came as Rob and I walked her down the “aisle” to the waiting arms of her finance.  Yup.  It took that long – just one year ago.  I was not ready for the flood of emotion I would be hit with as we drove back to Jersey after the wedding.

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Belinda, you have grown into an amazing woman.  I have always been proud of you.  I love your giving heart.  I love your energy.  I love your self-confidence.  Yes, I even love your lack of tact when telling people how you “really” feel.  You have inspired others to reach for their dreams.  You have fought for those who could not fight for themselves. You have blazed a trail advocating as far as Capital Hill for the things you believe in.  You stand up for what you believe in even if it goes against the norm.

Our family has grown – Rob became your step-dad and Ashley your wife. And we are blessed to have them.  They love us for who we are – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Yes, mom is shedding a tear or two as I write this.  We are not physically together today but our hearts will be bound together forever.  I wish you a day filled with love and happiness.  I hope all of your dreams come true.   Happy Birthday Baby!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!