Gaining Confidence Is An Ongoing Process

I have been having one of those weeks…. yup, fear and doubt has crept in.  My confidence has been shaken and I am wondering what my purpose is in life.  What happened?  I’m not sure except I have had some weird health days.  Days of feeling unsure.  Most days I can shake it then there are some when I need a confidence booster.  Surrounding myself with supportive  friends and family is part of it BUT sometimes I need to work on me.

Here are some things I do to help shake those nasty inner gremlins:

1.  Share Your Gifts & Passion with Others

Everyone has gifts and talents even when our confidence is lacking.  When I have days like this, I start writing.  Because I know sharing my struggles with others is one of my gifts.  You have accomplished great things – don’t downplay what you have achieved.  I know I am guilty of this all of the time.  The truth is, we are all good at something and there is always someone who wants to learn.

2. Forgive Yourself for Your Mistakes

When I have days like this, I tend to focus on all of the mistakes I made in life. Remember negative thoughts brings more negative thoughts.  When we hold ourselves or others to high standards expecting perfection, we are usually left feeling less than, a failure, and unworthy. Give yourself a break!  Self-forgiveness is an important step towards building your self esteem and confidence.  Everyone make mistakes, you are no exception and you deserve to be forgiven.

3. Pay it Forward or Pay Yourself

Are you looking to right your wrongs or make a change due to mistakes from your past which may be holding you back?  We can’t wave a magic wand and make them go away BUT we can change the outcome.  Didn’t make school a priority in your life?  Go back and take some classes.  Maybe you weren’t there for friends and family – make amends.  As a recovering addict, my mission is to help those who are struggling because others helped m.  What mistake can you forgive yourself for so you can move on?

4. Be Solution Focused

I always say negative thoughts brings more negative – positive brings more positive, it is the way of the Universe.  So, when you are always complaining about not having enough (of anything), nothing gets accomplished. Look for solutions when things aren’t going as planned. This will take some practice before it becomes natural.  In the end, you will be able to approach a problem from a mindset of how to solve it instead of WHY ME victim mindset.

5. Smile

I know it is hard to smile when you are feeling less than BUT a little smile goes a long way. You would be surprised how it can actually change your mindset. It makes me feel good to smile, and it can also brighten someone else’s day.  In some cases this is where I advocate, fake it till you make it.   I don’t mean being fake to others, it is about learning to pick your head up and feel good along the way. The more you do it, before long, you will forget you were “faking it” and actually feed better, maybe even GOOD or GREAT!

6. Fear is Your Friend

FEAR is huge when we are not feeling confident (at least for me).  I am trying hard to use fear to my advantage! Think about it – fear shows up when you are about to step out of your comfort zone, stretch yourself and build your confidence. This is your secret weapon to growing.  When you recognize it is about to get scary, you are about to expand yourself which is HUGE confidence builder.

Despite popular belief (and my constant writing about it) I do struggle with confidence.  I am always amazed how I am more confident around people I don’t know then I am around friends or business colleagues.  Those nasty inner gremlins love to play the comparison game.

Share your struggles and your successes with us.  Let’s BUILD each other up so we are all successful in our business (and our lives).

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

Everything is a Choice 

It has been a whirlwind weekend and is it crazy to say, I am grateful it is Monday.  LOL!  Thursday, I spent the day with my mom exploring farmer’s markets in the area.  Then Friday, we had date night.  Hubby and I went to see RENT.  It was amazing.  Saturday a vendor event.  Then yesterday was a full day of Thirty One style partying after church – first a home party followed by a Facebook LIVE party.  

Through this busy weekend, I learned the lesson of there is not one-size-fits-all answers and solutions to things.  We each have obstacles, struggles, and frustrations we face in our business and life but we each have a different way of handling them.  I could have been bummed out this weekend I wasn’t attending my upline’s retreat in Pigeon Forge, TN. I decided to make the most of it and keep myself busy in my own pink bubble.

I found myself talking with members of my team and other women who needed some support and encouragement.  I was grateful to be able to celebrate and encourage them so we could explore ways to make things happen as they pursue their goals.

It’s Monday and some don’t feel motivated or inspired. Some feel overwhelmed or stuck. Some are crippled by fear.  For some, things aren’t going the way they hoped or planned.  It could be as simple as not having enough time or support from their family and friends.

No matter what your challenge……

Feeling motivated is a choice. Feeling inspired is a choice. Feeling focused is a choice. Showing up and getting your work done is a choice. Pushing through fear is a choice. Not relying on the approval or validation of others is a choice. Choosing a mindset of abundance over scarcity is a choice.

I know, this is easier said than done. We all carry lots of baggage, mindset, and fears. Our experiences have shaped us and as a result determines how we navigate through our work and our life.  Life is a journey and there is always work to be done.  We need to rewrite the stories we are telling ourselves.  We need to discover the hidden inner gremlins so we can become emotionally aware for when they attack.   We need to change our mindset –  positive attracts positive – remember “The Secret“.

When we shift from feeling like things are happening to us and accept we’re choosing to experience these things (since most of it is out of our control), we can start to move forward along the way.

It is your choice to create a space and energy to feel inspired and motivated.  It your choice to be productive when we don’t really want to do anything.  It is your choice to dig deep, work through the fear and squash those inner gremlins.  It is your choice to be in the moment and embrace what is happening instead of complaining there is not enough time. It is your choice to be your own cheerleaders, instead of resenting the people who aren’t.

You can make the choice to get unstuck.

What negative things are you saying about your business or your life, which you can make the choice to change?  What are you going to do to get unstuck and move forward?

I believe in you.  Let’s move forward this week ready to conquer the world – or at least ours.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

 

Grow Your Confidence – Part 2

Last week, I talked about growing your self confidence and I received a lot of feedback.  I won’t say i am surprised because despite all of the overwhelmingly positive posts on Facebook and Instagram, there are people who struggle. They struggle with standing tall and proud letting their sparkle shine through.

So here are a few more things which might help you boost your confidence…

1. Take some time for personal care.   I will admit, I am the worst at this.  When I am feeling yuk, all I want to do is lay around in my sweats.  The truth is, we should really nudge ourselves to do something for us.  Now, I don’t mean spend a fortune. How about pulling out your favorite shaving cream and shaving those legs? The warmer weather is coming.  How about deep conditioning your hair? Or even soaking in a bubble bath?  Pamper yourself with something you enjoy doing for you. Give yourself permission to enjoy life. Giving yourself permission to relax and even PLAY, will pay you back ten fold.  You will gradually change your mindset so the fun times come more naturally.

2. Visualize and Reframe.  This is going to sound a little crazy since I always talk about how important positive thinking is BUT believe me it works.  Take a few minutes to reflect on the problems you are facing in your life. Feel the feelings associated with the problem.  Do you naturally assume the worst – let’s REFRAME the problem and the solution!  Nothing is hopeless but when you believe it is, all you will feel is unhappiness and that you are a failure.

So, I want you to pick one problem and look at it in a new light by recreating a positive outcome.  I know it can be tough but you can do it.  Imagine a positive solution and really feel the feeling of the new positive ending to your story. Now, make the new ending happen!

3. Make a List of Your Positive Attributes.  Yes you do have them.  We all do even if we don’t always see them.  For many years, I heard “you are your own worst enemy” and I know I am not alone.  It is time to make a list of your positive gifts (physical and mental). We need to find an inner love for ourselves, instead of looking to others for approval.  I struggled with this exercise for years and then with the help of a friend, I reached out to several close friends and asked for their help.  I asked them to describe me in just 3 words.  I was blown away by the response. Once I wrote them all together, I put them into positive mantras I could repeat until I really started to believe them…

4. Fake it till you make it.   I know this sounds easy and hard to believe it actually works, but trust me it is easy and it does work. Remember those negative thoughts like:”This day sucks”, “I feel ugly” or “I am not good enough” guess what? Those thoughts radiate and everyone knows how you are feeling.  You need to keep your thoughts in check, so when the negative self talk creeps back up- proclaim the opposite. This will help you to build your self worth cause the negative inner gremlins can get pretty sneaky.

5. Get enough sleep.   I know as busy women, who has time for a good’s night sleep, right?  What is the definition of a good night’s sleep?  Is it 5 hours or maybe less?  Maybe it means a night when the kids aren’t climbing in your bed.  When you are tired and your body is run down, it’s difficult to feel good about yourself. Your body is dragging, and the negative inner gremlins are ready to rear their ugly heads. As much as you may hate to hear it, your body needs a solid 6-8 hours of sleep – peaceful uninterrupted sleep. I used to live on about 5 hours then age creeped in and health struggles.  I am grateful my hubby got me into a routine of at least 7 hours of sleep.  There are days when I get less but I can tell because my sparkle dulls just a little.  I know it is not always easy but find a happy medium for you so you have the energy to fight off those nasty gremlins.

I would love to hear from you and know what you do to boost your confidence on those tough days.  

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

 

How To Boost Your Confidence

16427227_10158289271390220_6884375809304761406_nHappy Friday!  I’m excited because today I am picking my mom and my step dad up from the airport.  They have been in Florida soaking up the sunshine for about 2 weeks and are headed home.

It seems my Friday blogs have been centered on feeling good – about ourselves, our life and our businesses so I am going to call them “Feel Good Fridays”.

I don’t know about you but I have LOTS of inner gremlins.  Those negative thoughts which smack me alongside the head and send me into a tailspin.  The ones who make me doubt EVERYTHING.

Everyday we are hit with the way we should look, the things we should have, and what we should be doing by a certain age.  Body shaming has hit both those who are skinny and those who are “pleasing plump” as my grandfather would say.  As I get close to 60 (yes, this year), I have been doing a lot of reflecting about how these feelings have ebbed and flowed in my life.  There are days when I no longer feel the pressure to look or be a certain way. It takes work (I know I am still looking for the magic wand too!).  Then there are days when those inner gremlins win.

1. Release the pressure you put on yourself 

I have been told for years, “you are your own worst enemy“.  Yup, I (and countless others) put a huge amount of pressure on ourselves.  Perfection was replaced by progress.  Always striving for more.  The constant battle to be the best. This is when we get burnt out and it leads to us to being EXHAUSTED.  The end result is zero motivation.

The key is to block out time for yourself in your schedule no matter how busy a person you are.  The minute you make time for yourself (even 15 minutes of quiet time), you’ll feel better.  You will feel refreshed and inspired by taking a break.  You will get back your energy and believe in yourself.  Positive thinking is a very powerful tool to help you in all areas of your life.

2. Have a self-care day

I see the eyes rolling…. who has time for this, right?  Believe me, once you try it – you won’t want to live without it.  What makes you happy? Is it reading a book? Is it pampering yourself with face masks, wine and a bubble bath? Or how about spending some alone time at the park or somewhere quiet?  Whatever it is you enjoy, block out a day and do it. Turn off your phone (YIKES) and focus on yourself. It’s hard, I know. Full-time jobs/commitments make your time precious.

But remember you are precious too. Doing this will help you re-evaluate your needs and goals, rather than focusing on what others think.

3. Just say “No”

I feel like the anti-drug commercial of the the 70’s. but the truth is being a people pleaser, saying NO is hard for me.  I know I am not alone.  I would say yes to pretty much anything ignoring my own needs and wants.  As I learned to say no, I did it gradually.  I starting saying no to little things like choices in restaurants when going out to eat or an even bigger leap was saying no when I didn’t like an idea someone suggested.  Over time it becomes easier to say no more confidently. This is one of those things you need to practice to get better at….

4. Be whoever and whatever you want to be

Scrolling through social media, we find we can do pretty much anything we put our mind to. The internet makes everything possible which can be a blessing and a curse, right?  We begin to play the comparison game.  I could say stop looking at Facebook, Instagram or any other source of media source you are obsessed with but the truth is, it isn’t going to happen.

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If you struggle with your own inner gremlins, remember you can be whoever you wish to be because you are enough!   Think about and spend time on what makes you happy and you will improve your confidence and believe in yourself.  Set some goals and reward yourself when you reach them.  Gaining self-worth is something to be nurtured in order for it to grow and blossom.

5. The Inner Beauty Glow 

When you are not happy with yourself, how motivated are you to do anything?  If you feel ugly and hate yourself, you’re going to think very poorly of yourself. When you are feeling good about yourself, you are strong and confident, right?  Been there, done it and got the tee shirt.  It’s not easy believing in yourself and it takes a long time to reach a point at which you’re happy.

I heard for years, it is what is on the inside which counts – not what the outside looks like.  This was hard to swallow BUT when I started believing it, things happened. Your voice is important. Your personality is important. Your strength and resilience are so so important.  When you believe in yourself, your sparkle will begin to show on the outside.

keep calm and sparkle onSo, what do you think? Is boosting your self-confidence something you need to work on? Let me know in the comments below!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

How to Conquer Your Greatest Fear?

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Today’s blog started as just a “throwback” post. One of those days when I wasn’t sure what to write so I start reflecting on things I have written.  Then God lets me see part of the plan.

On this day in 2014, I had a conversation with Hope Shortt who is not only my Thirty One sponsor but also a woman of great faith who inspires me daily.  During a coaching call, she asked me: “Do you ever remember a time in your life that you were truly scared of something?”  This question always stops me dead in my tracks.  Because just when I think  I have a handle on “fear” and think it is gone from my life – those ugly gremlins poke through a little crack of doubt.  For those who have heard the story a million times, forgive me but this is not only to squash my inner gremlins but to help someone else who may be struggling along the way.266e5328ccd89317cd0a9da2787eb30b

Today’s blog comes from deep in my heart.  I hope by sharing this again (though some may cringe at its honesty) I can bid farewell to a FEAR which is plaguing me as I stepped out in faith to work my Thirty One business full-time.  b4154ec6f1fb4e828f441585a11524ec

We are going to go back in time…say 1990 when I thought I was in control of my life. It was Belinda’s 2nd birthday or pretty close to it. I was at work when a Police Detective walked through the door and asked my boss to speak to me. FEAR! The moment when I just knew my world was going to fall apart. FEAR! The moment when I realized my “recreational” drug use might be a problem. FEAR! The moment when EVERYONE was going to know I was a fake! This may seem a bit dramatic for some but the truth is, this was when I let FEAR invade my life. From this moment on, FEAR became a major part of my life. Satan has had a field day with me ever since.unnamed-3

The truth was, I was a drug addict. My addiction had caused me to do things I knew were wrong, were “not the way I was raised”, and were “not the way I wanted to raise my daughter”. I thought I was having fun. Recreational use for over 8 years had gradually turned into more as I moved from weekend use to all the time (or as often as I could afford). My life was a mess and the only one who seemed to know it was God! I was arrested, faced possible jail time, put in a Pre-Trial Intervention Program for community service and sent to rehab. God had a plan for my life.  I had definitely drifted off course – further than I ever had before.

As I remember the dreadful day, my heart races, knots form in my stomach and tears well up in my eyes. Through it all, I am grateful. It was the turning point in my life which helped me to slowly move closer to God’s will for me. Did I have a lot of FAITH? No! Did I think God loved me enough to want to save me? No! But as I look back, I know the rocky road of recovery and growth are all part of who I am today.

So you are wondering why I bothered to share about FEAR, right? Been there, done that, got the tee shirt, right? The truth is – deep in the crevice of my soul, FEAR still has a hold on my heart. This week has been a week where I needed to fully rely on God.  Have faith in what I could not see and trust he has a plan for me.  Yup, I am again bidding farewell to FEAR! Hope talked about this in her blog:

I encourage you to be brave. Realize that when fear creeps in, push it out. My God is bigger than anything else and My God has proven that time and time again. Be strong. Be courageous and remember that He already knows what tomorrow holds-therefore fear is not how He equips you.

Will it be easy?  NO!  But let’s do it together….Let’s bid a farewell to fear this year, once and for all.  Whether it’s about your job, your car, an accident, your finances, your relationships, your business, your addiction…whatever it is, don’t let fear in. Don’t let it win….. Allowing fear to take over is actually very easy and it can cost us when it becomes to being the person God wants us and needs us to be for others. I believe it’s one of the greatest attacks on us as believers. I refuse to be taken advantage of by the enemy. He’s stolen too much from me before.

Today, I will EMBRACE the joy in my heart and my God-sized Dream. I will close the door on FEAR which hovers outside my heart ready to steal my joy.

What is YOUR greatest FEAR? Is that FEAR keeping you from reaching YOUR dreams? I challenge you to bid farewell to the fear.. will you take the challenge

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!