Today will be an emotional day, one of remembering two people who impacted my life – or at least trying to remember through the fog of MS. The memories come and go but the impact they had on my life will live on.
I will be celebrating Edythe’s life at a vendor event today. Strange right? The vendor event is a fundraiser by Holly Assembly, Order of the Rainbow for Girls for the scholarship fund names in honor of her. Growing up, Rainbow had a place in all of our lives and even through the MS fog, I still remember many of my Rainbow teachings. Edythe was on the Advisory Board for Holly Assembly. She helped to mold and shape the lives of girls for many years. The scholarship is part of her legacy. Her kindness, compassion and caring lives on in the lives of others. Edythe was a strong independent woman who inspired me through some of the darkest days of my addiction. Her smile and laugh could light up a room. If you are in the area, stop by and say hello. Or if you would like to support this cause, click HERE to place an order on my Thirty One website. I will be donating 100% of my Thirty One commission to the scholarship fund as well as 50% of the sale of awareness angel ribbons. Complete the form at the end of the blog post if you are interested in awareness angel ribbons (additional colors are available).
Today also marks the one year anniversary of my dad’s death. Some will not understand why I decided to do this event but I know my dad would totally get it. Dad wouldn’t want me to sit around crying and being sad, he would want me to enjoy life. My dad and my mom were on the Advisory Board of Iris Assembly when I was in Rainbow. He would definitely get why I am doing the fundraiser today. Dad was loving and kind, nonjudgmental and accepting. Yes, there were tough times with years of anger and hurt. Dad was not perfect but are any of us. He admitted his faults, and even with memories of bad times, I forgave him. No matter how bad a situation was, he always found the silver lining and worked through it. He leaves a legacy filled with memories for his family and friends. Dad liked to cook especially on the grill. Didn’t matter if there was snow or rain, he found a way to grill.
Today is about honoring two people who impacted my life. I celebrate the legacy they leave behind – the memories, the stories, and the traditions.
I know a strange title for a blog, right? Today is my day to relax, reflect and recharge – how appropriate that a devotional I received from Proverbs31 Ministry was on “Where do Your Tears Go?”
Growing up I don’t remember being much of a crier, maybe when I was small but as I reached my teen years, tears weren’t shed very often. I hid behind closed doors thinking they were a sign of weakness. I built up walls during my HS years that didn’t let many in to really know me let alone see me cry. I think the first time that I actually remember letting someone (besides immediate family) see me cry was when I found out that I was pregnant with Belinda. Adele, my boss at the time, saw that I was on the brink of tears. I mean I was single (planning on getting married) and NOW I was pregnant with a child I desperately wanted even if her biological father wasn’t for it. I can remember Adele telling (multiple times) “when you cry – you are getting ready to grow”. As I look back on the last 25 years, she is right! Every time I am struggling with an problem, an circumstance – anything really and I am on the brink of tears, I know that it won’t be long and a change will be coming. There have been tears of happiness, gratitude and excitement. Tears of sadness, anxiety and motherly worry.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book” (Psalm 56:8). If that is not a comforting thought – God cares enough to keep track of our tears. Such a comforting thought that as I shed tears, he is there with loving arms to comfort me. When I get teary, I begin to wonder “what does God have in store for me now?” Tears are an amazing cleansing process – they wash away the pain and sorrow even during those joyous occasions.
So, as I reflect on the past week, the struggles, and the joys – I get a little teary. I know that Satan has been having a field day with my emotions but God is there if only I will TRUST and BELIEVE. Tears are no longer a sign of weakness but of cleansing and growth. A renewed strength to overcome any challenge and climb the highest mountain. Just when I think the tears are for an unmet goal, unfulfilled dream – God reminds me that this may be a blessing in disguise. Take comfort in his arms, shed those tears and remember that there is always a rainbow that appears after a storm.