Do You Struggle with Confidence?

Are you a people pleaser?  If so, you may struggle with confidence.  Why do I say that?  Well, as people pleasers, our world can be crushed when some says “they are disappointed in us” or they get upset with us.  Our confidence is shaken and the inner gremlins begin to bounce around in our head.

As we start a new year, it is time to work towards a new you.  One who is confident and believes you are good enough.  My goal in life has always been to bring a smile to the face of others.  Somewhere along the way, the people pleaser side took over and I lost myself.

Last year, I caught glimpses of how talented I was yet there was something deep inside me which believed I wasn’t good enough.  On the days I feel confident, I know I am good at running my businesses and the joy shines out for all to see.  On the days those inner gremlins are chipping away at my confidence, I sit in wonder and doubt about everything I have done in my life or am planning on doing.  Those days can be crippling.

I’m sure I am not alone.  Many of us have been taught to “fake it until we make it”.  For some it works – they can mask their lack of confidence closing the door on those inner gremlins.  There are others (like me) who wear their emotions on their sleeve.  How many times have you been told “get over it”, “pull yourself together”, or the one which makes me the craziest “you should be over this already”.

Sometimes it is more complicated.  Sometimes, it is tough to get over the self-limiting beliefs which have haunted us for years.  We can overcome them with compassion, and patience.

#1 Get to the heart of it

Your struggle with confidence exists for a reason. Maybe someone told you once you weren’t good enough. Maybe you weren’t nurtured growing up. Maybe you were crushed too many times.  Painful, horrible, heartbreaking things can happen in our lives. Some big, some small, which all affect how we feel about ourselves.  Diving deep into these experiences and our stories can help us connect the dots to see where we are now.

#2 But don’t live there

We get stuck!   Once we own the things which shaped and affected our confidence, it’s easy to feel defeated, overwhelmed, and even a little angry.  But we can’t stay in there because we can’t thrive if we do.  It’s our job to move forward, rewriting the stories we’ve told ourselves.  We need to grow confidence in our skills and in ourselves moving forward every day.  The most important part is  letting go of the things which don’t serve us along the way.

#3 Surround yourself with the right things

Everything we surround ourselves with shapes our perspective and experience – it all matters.  We need to surround ourselves with people who believe in us, who inspire us, and who cheer us on every step of the way.  Look for ways to push yourself to be the very best version of you.  STOMP out those inner gremlins which make you feel small or overwhelmed. It is important to nurture your mind and your body. Fill your days with the things which bring you joy, inspires you to take action, and supports you to show up with a whole heart to your work and your life.

#4 Focus on you, not your fears

Fear can be healthy and it is an unavoidable part of living life. But when we devote our time and energy to honing, growing, and nurturing ourselves, we can grow confident in our creative work and life.  The more we show ourselves what we’re capable of, the more we build grow and the more confident we become.  Don’t let self-doubt and fear distract you from becoming the crazy-awesome creative person you’re meant to be.

#5 You’re the one who your lack of confidence hurts the most

OUCH!  This is and was the toughest realization for me.  If I give into my fears, if I let my self-doubt take the wheel, the person who suffers the most is me.  Believe me is won’t be easy – facing ourselves, our biggest fears, and our toughest experiences.  By believing we are capable of more, and we are worthy of running in the direction of a life which feels true to us takes a whole lot of courage.  Becoming confident takes time.  We need to show up every day, even when this inner gremlins in our head are telling us we should quit.  We need to push through the crap so we can get to the good stuff.

The truth is: it’s always, always, worth it.  When we believe in ourselves, once we bear witness to our gifts, strengths, and creativity, we can start to do incredible work in the world and  build a life which is impactful, fulfilling, and sustainable.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!


My Enemy


It is FRIDAY!  Are you doing the happy dance?

This has been a busy AHA week for me that hopefully will push me forward in all areas of my life.  For years, everyone has told me that I am my own worst enemy, can any of you relate?  Have you ever felt like the biggest obstacle to moving forward in ANYTHING (weight loss, business, life) has been YOU!  Has the self-doubt caused you to be stuck?  Here are some things that I have tried this week that may help you:

  1. Stop comparing yourself.  This is HUGE!  I talk about it ALOT that the comparison game kept me stuck.  In the past, it has stolen my joy.  In my weightless journey, it has actually caused me to gain a few pounds back.  How do you come so far and then let a simple comparison throw you off track?  In my business, it was the “never be as good as” comparison that had me doing things like everyone else even when it wasn’t working for me.  I figured if they were at the top, I would be if I copied them.  The problem was there were other factors that came into play.  Your path is your own, it’s going to have so many ups and downs and highs and lows but it’s yours to embrace and enjoy. I’m learning to embrace mine, to trust in the process, and know that my success isn’t defined in comparison to someone else’s.
  2. Remove negativity.  Everyone knows that Negative Nellie is one of my ongoing love-hate relationships.  There are days when she motivates me to prove her wrong while on other days, it is her negativity that keeps me stuck.  I have been working hard with a counselor/life coach to remove negativity from my life.  I am not advocating that everyone get a counselor but I am suggesting that you make a conscious effort to leave behind anything in my life that just drags me down – people, habits, or just your own negative thought process. I want you to choose to embrace positivity and quit wasting time indulging in the negative sides of life. Life is too short.
  3. Silence that voice in your head.  We all have that little voice, right?  Admit it, that is the first step.  It is the  one that tells you that you’re not good enough, and the one that tells you that you’re a fraud and that you have nothing of value to offer the world. Hit the “RESET” button now!  You have to believe in yourself.  How many of us create work we’re passionate about and then second guess ourselves so we either don’t share it with others or we don’t ooze passion. It’s okay to not feel confident 100% of the time, but it’s up to us to move past that and know that we owe it to ourselves to stand by our life, our choices, and our work every step of the way.  Are you ready to stand by your life choices?
  4. Stop wasting time. Do you avoid doing things?  Do you fear that someone will say no when you ask them to book a party or join your team, so you don’t pick up the phone?  I always say I am busy but I am sometimes just wasting time so that I don’t have to open myself up to my fear of not being good enough.  So quit wasting time. Start that project, make those plans, and believe in yourself every step of the way. Whether it’s work related, or a life experience you’ve been putting off for a while – quit the excuses, feel the fear and don’t look back, and make it happen for yourself.

So who is ready to LEAP into the weekend and overcome your obstacles?

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!