Recovery After Relapse

 I have gone back and forth trying to decide whether or not I wanted to share this post.   I have been  a people pleaser most of my life and I didn’t want any one to be angry with me. Others will stop reading.  BUT there may be one or two who will be encouraged or know recovery is actually possible.

My first time in recovery, I shared with everyone.  I didn’t care who knew because NA and the people I met saved my life.  They helped me to learn about me which made me confident.  Some would say I got cocky, since after two plus years of daily meetings I walked away from the program thinking I was “better” and was healed.  I was given back all of the tangibles in my life – family, a career, a house, car and so much more.

If you read my blog regularly, you may have noticed I have referenced my relapse and my walk back into recovery.  Pride and ego gets the best of me as I worry about what people will think.  BUT there may be someone out there who needs to hear this story….

When I started blogging in 2013, I shared the story of my addiction. The story of getting clean in 1991 was a blessing.  I was blessed with many years in recovery – from drugs.  Of course, I now know I substituted work for my drug of choice.  I became a workaholic – and some wondered if I cared more about my clients then I did my family.  As a workaholic, I had an occasional glass of wine figuring I had things under control.  Little did I know, it was the beginning of making a total mess of my life again.  See, I forgot one simple thing from those early meetings – a drug is a drug is a drug.  The truth is, anything we become obsessive about is a form of addiction.  So, as I worked for many years at a job I loved; I was able to “manage” my work – addiction.

When for health reasons I had to give up my crazy commute (4 hours a day round trip) and a job I loved – I was lost.  I had no real identity or at least I didn’t think so.  The first year wasn’t bad.  I worked on my direct sales business, and collected unemployment while I looked for something close to home.  The truth was being 54 with LOTS of experience was not an appealing trait for most employers.  All they saw was someone who was “older” and who they thought would quit when a better opportunity came along.

Over the next 7 years, my life would be like a roller coaster ride.  Taking jobs to fill the void and pay the bills.  But each time, my MS (not yet diagnosed) reared its ugly head, and I had to give my notice.  During 4+ of those years, not only did I struggle to find a job but I endured endless testing to determine what was going on health-wise with me.

Financial unmanageability was starting to wreck havoc in my life without a steady income.  MS started affecting my memory, my moods, my balance and my life. The unmanageability throughout my life got worse.  No steady income.  An inconsistent commission check from my direct sales business.  Using credit cards to pay for things or to shop or to keep up appearances.  Drinking wine to relax.  The old behaviors and feelings from my early days of using came back really fast.  Stuffing my feelings again.  Feeling like I didn’t belong.  Feeling alone.  Feeling like a victim.  Feeling unworthy of anything.  Playing the comparison game and never winning.  Being self-centered (I want what I want when I want it).  Angry. Letting pride rule. Jealousy.  All of those things I thought I had dealt with long ago.

See, the reality was I gave up the drugs but I never really worked on me.  I substituted work for drugs.  I identified as a Social Worker.  I identified as mom.  But I never identified as Hope – the person.  Looking back, I was happy with my life BUT I don’t think I was ever really happy with me!

One year ago, I walked back into the rooms of NA, I felt as broken and lost as the first day I walked into the rooms on October 26, 1991.  I have learned so much in the last year.  This year has been a turning point in my life…. you would think at 62 I would have finally gotten it together. LOL.

Are things perfect?  No but they are getting better.  I am learning to like me for me.  I still tend to play the comparison in my business but it is getting better. I am working on re-building broken relationships. I am building a network of strong women who I can lean on.   I am learning to accept my MS diagnosis and truly believe #mswillnotdefineme.

Why am I sharing this?  I want to help someone else who may be struggling.  I am coming face to face with my inner demons so I can move on from the past and embrace the future.

Have a blessed day!

Recipe for A New Life

This month seems to be full of transformations…..It has been 6 years since hubby’s 10 day hospital stay which ended with a defib pacemaker which changed our life slightly.  I just celebrated one year in recovery after a VERY long relapse.  I am feeling like God is setting me up for a change in my life.  I am by no means complaining, although as you can tell by my recent posts, life has been a roller coaster of emotions…
There have been signs all around me about changing my mindset and the importance of it….. from posts on Facebook to conversations with friends to my Just for Today devotionals.  Not only does this apply to everyday life but it I am seeing how it is being applied in my business.
When I was in rehab, I remember a saying which went something like this: If one person calls you a duck – you can toss it aside, if two people call you a duck – it deserves some consideration but if three people call you a duck – you MUST be a duck!”  I haven’t been called a “duck” lately BUT I am seeing some of my passion moving in other directions.  In the past, this has been when I jumped ship at a job – it didn’t happen often especially after I got into Social Work.  For now, I am lookin for my purpose and seeking my passion…
So starting this morning, this duck is going to work on making a change from muddling through the waters to finding my joy.  Letting go of fear and doubt is the toughest thing for me.  The people pleaser in me doesn’t want to let anyone down, and doesn’t want to disappoint anyone.  The problem is, I can’t figure out if this is a temporary thing as a result of some MS issues or if my passion is truly changing.
Do you need to change your mindset?  Here are a few questions you can answer which might help:
  1. Identify the what happened to cause the change
  2. Why did it happen
  3. How can I use this for my personal growth
  4. What changes can I make to improve in the future
  5. Where can I find help or who can help
This is “recipe for life” was part of a devotion I had read.  Maybe this will help you in changing your mindset or counting your blessings:
Begin with a case of Joy
Add a heaping spoonful of Gratitude
Fold in a large dollop of Kindness
Stir in a handful of Forgiveness
Sprinkle liberally with Love and cover with Peace
Always serve with a large side of Faith
(Author unknown)
 
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Tasty Tuesday: Country Style Pork Ribs

Summer is here (well, almost) and everyone is pulling out the grill….I will admit, it is one of the things I miss from our old house.  As soon as it got warm, we started grilling EVERYTHING!  In the condo, the rules are so crazy about storing one, it just isn’t worth it.  
This recipe is from Rachel at Wicked Good Spice Mixes Company.  Be sure to check out her website. The spices can be used for so many different things – veggies, potatoes, dipping sauces and more..
Ingredients:
Instructions:  
  1. Grill or oven temp 375 degrees
  2. Rinse ribs thoroughly and pat dry.
  3. Rub both sides of ribs with olive oil and then rub Achilles blend on both sides.
  4. Grill  or roast  on both sides until nicely browned .
  5. Check with meat thermometer  for an internal temp of 145 degrees.
Serve with Tuscan potatoes and roasted veggies
Rachel started this company to show people how easy, healthy and fun it can be to make a delicious meal at home!  Rachel always thought the hardest thing about cooking is how much of this spice and how much of spice you should add.  So go ahead and throw all of those spices you use infrequently and start using our spice blends! They are fresh and economical!  Our blends are perfectly formulated to use for just about everything you like to cook.

Live in Brick? OR travel to the Farmer’s Market on Saturday from 9AM – 2PM. Be sure to stop by and sample some of the vinegars or spices at their table.  If you can’t make it, check out these awesome products at these local stores.

502 Baking Company, 502 Brick Blvd, Brick, NJ 08724 (732) 477-4502

Berry Fresh Farms, 151 Brick Blvd, Brick NJ 08723  (732)477-0606

Cream Ridge Winery, 145 Route 539 (PO Box 98), Cream Ridge, NJ 08514 (609) 259-9797

Dearborn Farm Market, 2170 Rt 35, Holmdel, NJ 07733  (732)264-0256

Delicious Orchards, 320 Route 34, Colts Neck, NJ  (732) 462-1989

New Egypt Marketplace, 53 Main Street, New Egypt, NJ 08533 (609) 458-7900

The Lusty Lobster, 88 Bay Ave. Highlands, NJ 07732 (732) 291-1548

Twin Ponds, Rt 9 Howell, NJ 07731

Lovelandtown Grocery and Provisions, 219 Bridge Ave, Point Pleasant,NJ 08742  (732)903-6855
Princes Farm Market , 1123 Mountain Ave, Mountainside, NJ 07092
(908)358-3311
Have a great recipe you want to share?  We would love to feature YOU (and your business)!  If you try this, let us know what you think…
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Confidence

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.

Confidence. There are days when we feel we don’t even know the meaning of the word.  I long for the days when I had some.  I struggle to remember when it was and what it felt like.  It is hard to stay confident when we feel so weak.  I believe God as a plan for me, yet I often feel incapable of caring it out (or sometimes I don’t even know what it is).

When I used to wear titles like “mom” or “Social Worker” or “employee”.  I had confidence most days to do my job.  I knew what needed to be done and did it.  When left to be “Hope”, the confidence quickly fades.  Comparison steals joy.  Inner gremlins run around in my head with thoughts of “you aren’t good enough”.  It is those times when I have to step outside of ME and rely on my Higher Power.  The Serenity Prayer helped to get me through the struggles in my early years of recovery .  I use it today just as I did then.

It is important we realize where confidence comes from. Our confidence comes from the God. It comes from no-where else. He alone gives the kind of strength necessary to meet every challenge. The things He overcame causes our struggles to pale in comparison. If we believe in God (or a Higher Power), then we will have confidence to succeed.

What are some of your struggles?  Share them with us so we can keep you in our prayers…..

Today’s thought: I can do anything I set my mind to because of Christ in me!

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Thirty One Summer Kick Off

June is CRAZY busy….. end of the school year, graduations, Father’s Day, weddings, Christenings, baby showers, and of course birthdays and anniversaries.  Are you ready?  Do you have all of those gifts together?

In direct sales, June is usually one of the dreaded “J” months.  The story is “J” months are traditional bad for business.  Think about it – January is the month after Christmas so everyone is broke.  June is crazy busy who has time to shop.  In July, everyone is on vacation so the last thing they are thinking of is shopping or partying.  Thirty One “debunked” the myth in January AND  now they are planning to do it again in June.   Because Thirty One makes “J – months” AMAZING!

This summer’s Seasonal Catalog  is no different….. They have introduced EIGHT new prints for summer fun.  Check out these cute prints:

#1 – Did you know you could make some extra money with just 4 hours a week?  A little bit of work AND using some amazing products? Maybe you could pay off some bills? Or pay for the kids summer activities?  Maybe you just need some girl time?  Maybe you are looking for a career change?  Whatever your reason, I would love to help you reach your dream…For the month of JUNE, Thirty One is offering a $1 no-kit enrollment.  That’s right! You can start your business for less than a cup of coffee.  OR you can order one of the AMAZING enrollment kits.  Your choice.

PLUS with every $1,000 in orders for the first 4 months, you will receive Wishes Rewards you can use for……..business supplies product, VISA gift cards or Disney dollars.  Say what???

PLUS with Thirty One’s NEW Marketplace, you can save 40% off your own purchase of products or use the discount in helping a local team or organization raise funds.

PLUS with just $100 in sales each month, you will be able to buy one select product for 60% off the retail price the following month.

#2 – Maybe having having your own business is not on your bucket list.  So why not host a girls get together? Sip some wine (or your favorite beverage), catch up with friends, shop and have fun.  When was the last time you hung out with the girls without the kids?  You supply the friends and I will do all of the work. No time for a home party…. Why not a Facebook party?  Fun and games while everyone gets to shop from the comfort of their own home.

With a $600 party (the average), you get $100 in FREE products, TWO half price items, and TWO hostess exclusives.  PLUS you can get to pick ANYTHING in the catalog for just 80% off! I grabbed another Studio by Thirty One Classic Bag for just $16!

#3 –  I get it, you don’t need extra money and parties aren’t your thing.  BUT you just LOVE to shop? So here is the AMAZING Thirty One Customer Special for June…

For every multiple of $35, you can pick ONE of these bags at 50% off.  The Sling Back Bag, the Essential Storage Tote or a Cinch Sac are some summer favorites.  BUT if like BIG bags…. you won’t want to miss the half price offer for the City Park Bag or the Casual Cargo.  When you spend $35 and grab one of these two bags – it’s like getting two bags for the price of ONE!

So, to sum things up…there are THREE opportunities with Thirty One this summer:

3 options

Which opportunity is for you? Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!